Yaoi Otaku in Hogwarts
by GoldenFilia
Summary: A new student has come to Hogwarts, entering the school with an Evil Plan to hook up Draco and Harry. But will the hot new DADA teacher, Takeshi-sensei, help or harm her Evil Plan? And what could possibly make Hermione skip class?! Involves Draco/Harry
1. Part 1: The Search

**Summary:** A new student has come to Hogwarts, entering the school with an Evil Plan to hook up Draco and Harry. But will the hot new DADA teacher, Takeshi-sensei, help or harm her Evil Plan? And what could possibly make Hermione skip class?! Involves Draco/Harry coupledom, Ron/Hermione, and Snape/my very own Takeshi-sensei. ^_^ Probably the most shameless Mary-Sueism ever, but lots and lots of slash! 

**Warnings: **If you don't know what 'yaoi otaku' means, don't read. You will either be horrified or very confused. 

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter is not mine, I get nothing from this but a boosted ego if nice nice people give me nice nice reviews. 

**_Yaoi Otaku in Hogwarts_******

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******part 1: the search******

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There was a new student at Hogwarts this year. She arrived in a rather unusual manner. First of all, beneath the required robes, Sara-chan wore a bright blue shirt with a large picture of a cartoon character on it. She carried a bag covered in strange foreign writing and more of those cartoon characters. In her spare hand she clutched tightly to a large bright yellow stuffed mouse-type thing. All of the slightly more experienced Hogwarts students looked at her strangely as she came in. 

"So," A sixth year student with slick blond hair came up to her, a sneer on his face, "What do you think you're doing here, Muggle? You have no place in this school." 

Sara-chan blinked confusedly, "You... you..." Suddenly, it looked as if a light came over her face. "DRACO-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! WAI WAI WAI!!!!!!!!" And, with no warning whatsoever, Sara-chan dropped all of her belongings (including her poor little owl) onto the floor, and gave Draco a big hug. "Anata wa, watashi no ichiban aidoru desu yo! Anata ga daisuki da yo!" 

Draco was stunned. Nobody had ever dared to even touch him before, and suddenly this crazy girl runs up to him and... and what was she saying, anyway? 

"What? What language is that?" 

"Nihongo da yo! I mean... gomen gomen... Japanese. I... I'm an extreme otaku," Sara-chan said reluctantly, finding it difficult to form English words in her mouth. "That means I'm totally obsessed with anime and video games.." Noting the blank stares on her beloved's face, Sara-chan remembered that, as a born wizard, Draco Malfoy would never have heard of either anime or video games. What a boring life. How did he ever survive? She felt a sudden surge of pity for her little Draco-chan, living and going on despite a lack of anime and video games... what a noble man. 

Then again, Sara-chan herself would have to deal without those wonderful inventions for an entire year... but she would have her Draco... and her Percy... and, if all went as planned, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy would give her the yaoi she needed to survive. 

Sara-chan began laughing to herself, and the still-in-shock Draco regained his senses enough to give her a withering look. "Get out of here, Muggle, you're crazy. I can't believe we have a cartoon obsessed freak at this school," He commented, brushing past her with perfect arrogance. 

So. 

He had heard of anime before. 

"Hey, Draco-chan! It's ANIME, not cartoons! BAKA!" But unfortunately, he was gone. 

*** 

Of course, they put her through that frightening Sorting Hat ritual, but when a rather confused Hat granted her wish to be in Slytherin, Sara-chan was overjoyed. 

"Yatta! Yatta!" She cried, jumping up and down with glee right in front of everyone else in her class. Ignoring their curious stares, she ran over and found a seat right next to Draco Malfoy. 

"Sara-chan is gonna get to be with Draco-poo all year long," she purred. 

"Poo? Draco-_poo_? Who are you, crazy lady? What's wrong with you? And what is that yellow mouse in your hand?!" 

"I'm Sara-chan, certified Yaoi Hentai Otaku, who came all the way from America just to see you and your future lover! There's nothing wrong with me... nothing... nothing at all... really... " Sara-chan laughed nervously, "Anyway, it's not a mouse. It's a Pikachu, see?" Sara-chan held the Pikachu up to Draco's face. "Pika pika!" 

"What the hell?" 

"Oh, never mind," Sara-chan was suddenly gloomy, "You'll never understand." 

"And what was that about my 'future lover'?" 

"Oro..." 

"IN ENGLISH!" 

"Never mind." Sara-chan repeated abruptly, and ran off in search of Percy, despite the facts that that was strictly against school rules. 

When her bags started to get heavy, and Percy was nowhere to be found, Sara-chan decided it was time to take a break. 

"Heh heh heh... I've always wanted to see if this would work..." She pulled out her pack of Clow Cards she had bought on sale at Kaybee toys, along with the Clow Stick Thingy from Suncoast. 

"Fly Card, RELEASE!" She yelled, forgetting the entire rest of the spell... Sara-chan spent most of her Card Captor Sakura viewing time ogling Touya and Yukito. 

Nothing happened. 

"Damn it... RELEASE, I TELL YOU, RELEASE!" 

Nothing happened. 

Suddenly, a booming voice came from behind her. 

"Sara-chan. This is NOT one of your Muggle shows. The magic here is real, and if you keep up this child's play, I will personally have you expelled from this school." 

Sara-chan turned, and was confronted by the rather frightening face of Professor Snape. 

"Oh, gomenasai, Snape-sensei, I won't do it again," Sara-chan bowed three times to illustrate her apology. 

"I will also have you remember that this is England, not Japan, and in England you are expected to speak in English. You are to address me as Professor Snape, do you understand?" 

"Hai..I mean... Yes, sir." As Snape walked off, Sara-chan hit her head as evil, evil thoughts of Professor Snape with her beloved Draco-poo invaded her mind. 

She found her room eventually (unfortunately, it was not with Draco-poo...) and began taking poster after poster out of her bag, along with tape, so that the castle walls surrounding her could be lightened up a bit. 

_I still haven't seen Harry..._One of Sara-chan's voices commented.__

_Oh, shut up, you can see him anytime. Oh, the Great And Virtuous Harry Potter, how amazing he is! But, he's not half as gorgeous as Draco._

_I wanna see him WITH Draco. Like, ON TOP of Draco. _

_No way! Draco is soo on top._

_You hentai! How can you think of such things with a sixteen year old kid?_

_Well, I'm sixteen myself... They only let me in here after extensive work at the Wizarding Night School..._

_Hey, why do I have multiple voices arguing with each other in my head?_

__With that final thought, Sara-chan drifted into a sleep complete with dreams about her new beloved, Draco-poo. 

*** 

Sara-chan's first class was DADA with Professor Takeshi. 

_Takeshi? _She wondered, half delighted and half suspicious. _Hmm... I wonder if he's Japanese..._

__She walked into the class, stuffed Pikachu still in tow, and found herself immediately confronted by the most beautiful bishounen she had ever seen. His dark blue hair hung down to his knees, and his emerald green eyes glimmered with mystery. His beauty was far more than anything Sara thought could be seen in real life, and something about his presence just seemed to make the air sparkle around him. _So that's where bishounen sparkles come from..._ one of Sara-chan's voices thought. 

He turned to face her. "Aa, Sara-chan. I have been eagerly awaiting your arrival. I have a favor to ask of you..." 

Sara-chan couldn't handle it anymore. _Favor? Ooh, Professor, I'd do anything you ask me to, _that same hentai voice answered. With that thought, the bishounen that stood before her, and the naughty mental images that snuck into her mind, Sara-chan was overwhelmed. She fainted right into the arms of Takeshi-sensei. 

*** 

She woke up in the hospital wing, and the first thing that met her eyes was a lightning shaped scar. 

"Harry? Is that you?" She asked, knowing perfectly well that it was. The boy nodded. 

"Professor Takeshi doesn't like me much, so he sent me out of class to take care of you," Harry said gloomily. 

"Hmm.. well, since we're here, I have some questions for you." Sara-chan leaned closer to Harry. "I've heard a lot about you, Harry Potter. You're famous even throughout my Muggle world." Sara-chan noticed the exasperated, how-many-times-do-I-have-to-go-through-this look on his face. Sara smirked. "My question is, do you love Draco Malfoy?" 

The exasperated expression changed abruptly to one of total shock. "What are you talking about? He's my arch nemesis! He's evil! How could I ever love Malfoy?!" 

"You're blushing," Sara-chan noted. 

"I am not," Harry denied, the blush spreading more deeply over his face. "The fall must have messed with your head." 

"Well... hey!" Sara-chan realized something, "Maybe you're right! The voices are gone! Yaay! All the many voices in my head have been perfectly silent since I woke up!" Sara-chan leaned over and kissed Harry on the cheek. "Thank you so much!" 

Harry stared at Sara, a peculiar expression on his face. "Uh-huh..." He replied, still wondering personally how ANYONE could figure out his secret weakness. His weakness for the one whom he had originally hated- a hate so intense it transformed like magic into a love and passion unrivaled by anything the young wizard had ever before felt. The more Draco teased him, the more Harry felt himself falling into his rival's spell. And now, he had heard how Sara-chan clung so determinedly to Draco Malfoy. That rumor and her not-so-tactful question could only mean one thing. 

Sara-chan was Harry's rival for Draco's heart. 

*** 

Sara-chan made it for the last few seconds of class, and spent those few seconds staring at Professor Takeshi. She was curious as to that favor he wished of her, but guessed it was nothing like what her hentai voice had originally hoped. 

As soon as the class ended, Professor Takeshi pulled Sara-chan aside. Literally. His hand was on her arm... Sara-chan thought she might faint again. 

"I need you to do something for me, Sara," His voice was deep and as soft as silk, reminding her a lot of the famous voice actor Koyasu Takehito. 

She waited for her voices to start their usual debate about which of his characters was the hottest, before remembering that, hooray!, her voices were all gone. 

"Whatever you want, Takeshi-sensei!" She replied happily. As she said this, Sara-chan remembered Snape's reaction to the same title. She waited nervously for a reprimand, but instead Professor Takeshi just laughed. 

"Miss Sara, I know why you came here. I know your intentions, and understand far better than you the evil of your plans." 

Sara stood perfectly still. Could it all be over so soon? No, no, not her wonderful dream... 

"... And, I would like to help you." 

"What?" 

"I want to help you," he repeated. 

"But... it's evil! I'm trying to use illegal substances to force two straight archrivals to fall in love with each other! How can you possibly want to support me?" Sara-chan was confused. 

"Ssh! Somebody will hear you!" Takeshi seemed panicked, "You make it sound like you're some crazy drug dealer! Now, listen up. I said I'd help you, but only for a small price." 

"Um..." 

"Would you give me some of the love potion?" 

Sara was, for the second time, shocked. 

"But... I've done a little research already. If I make it, it'll have to either be specified yaoi or shounen-ai potion. It won't work on anyone of the opposite sex." Sara-chan sounded remotely intelligent as she said this. 

Quite unexpectedly, Takeshi began to giggle. Yes, giggle. "I know. I have my eyes set on Snape." 

For a second, Sara-chan was too surprised to move. However, this wore off quickly and she began to jump up and down. 

"Sugoi! That's great! I never would have guessed it!" And Sara-chan, flashing a final adoring grin at Professor Takeshi, ran out of the room at high speed. 

*** 

_I can't believe I didn't molest him when I had the chance, _Sara-chan thought to herself, still remembering Takeshi-sensei. She realized, however, that she would have many more chances, and was happy. 

At the moment, she was supposed to be at Herbology, but she decided that might be very boring, and she would rather skip. Sara-chan thought that perhaps skipping her second class of the year might not be that good a start, but the only things she was really interested in was Potions (Snape~~~! And learning how to make her love potion!) and, now, Defense Against the Dark Arts. And that funky psychic course, she wanted to go to that. 

Sara-chan now was wandering almost aimlessly through the halls of Hogwarts, glaring menacingly at any ghosts or talking pictures that happened to be in her way. 

That was when she saw, in some mainly unused dark hallway, a certain know-it-all who should have been in class. 

Hermione spotted Sara-chan at approximately the same time Sara-chan spotted Hermione. The latter immediately gathered together a huffy and unwelcoming attitude. 

"New girl... what's your name again?" 

"Sara-chan." 

"Sara-chan, whatever are you doing here? You should be in Herbology! The classroom is that way, in case you didn't know," Hermione pointed back in the direction Sara came from. 

"Oh, I know! I'm skipping!" Sara-chan announced happily. "A better question would be, what are _you_ doing?" 

"Me? That's... that's none of your business!" Hermione blushed a deep shade of red very suddenly. Sara-chan noticed as she abruptly hid a strange object in her cloak. Sara-chan looked at Hermione suspiciously. 

"I can't imagine what would possibly make the infamous Hermione Granger skip Herbology..." 

"I'm not skipping! I'm not! I'm just... just..." Hermione suddenly burst out into tears and ran out of sight, shouting behind her, "Please don't report me!" 

Sara was immensely confused. Something very strange was going on here... something that could even make Hermione skip class. She found herself all of a sudden very anxious to know what it was. 

The key was obviously whatever Hermione hid from her. It was a kind of medium-sized object, and looked out of place in Hogwarts. It had a rather Muggle, electronic look to it... but this still told her nothing. 

Oh, well. She would just have to stalk Hermione along with Harry and Draco. And Snape. And Takeshi-sensei. And Percy, whom she still hadn't met. 

In fact, she realized all of a sudden that she had not yet seen a single Weasley, despite the fact that Ron should have been in DADA with her. Hmm. Well, she was sure one would have to come in by the next scene, and she just really hoped it would be Percy. Ah, Percy. Aah... 

She was interrupted in her thoughts by Takeshi-sensei, who was a great deal hotter than Percy anyway, and who had suddenly walked up to her. Sara-chan blinked twice in surprise. 

"Sara! What are you doing here?!" 

Sara-chan was delighted to see his gorgeous face again. She glittered happily. 

"Watashi wa... anou..." The problem was, she didn't know what to say, in any language. She did not think it would be wise to tell a teacher, however kind and hot he might be, that she was skipping class. 

"I got lost," she lied, reasoning that in a place like Hogwarts that was a more than believable excuse. Still, Takeshi-sensei rolled his gorgeous emerald eyes. 

"Sara-chan, this is not a normal high school where one can skip classes if one simply doesn't like them. If Snape or McGonagall caught you, you'd be expelled in one instant, and that would be it. No more love potions, no more Draco, no more Harry, no more Professor Snape." 

"Gomen, Takeshi-sensei..." Sara-chan muttered guiltily. 

"You have Potions next, and you better go to that. I would also like for you to remember that Snape has an uncanny ability to guess what people are thinking. So, you better try to erase all those hentai thoughts from your mind. I'm not sure they would be appreciated." 

"You mean, he can read minds?" 

"I don't think he _really_ can, but sometimes when I'm around him, and I start to think about some, well, inappropriate things with him, he'll give me this really strange look... anyway, it's really embarassing. Just keep your mind on your work when around him, okay?" 

Sara-chan nodded absentmindedly, as her thoughts had wandered off to what it was that Takeshi-sensei thought about that warranted such looks. She sighed blissfully. 

"You're my very favorite teacher ever!" Sara-chan suddenly said as she flung herself at him in a big hug. Takeshi-sensei seemed a little taken aback. 

"A.. anou.. arigatou?" 

Sara-chan smiled happily and let go of him just as the bell rang indicating the class change. She ran off to Potions, still not seeing any Weasleys, but catching up to the Draco-poo she found walking behind Harry Potter. 

Hmm. Walking behind of... just so he could stare at Harry's --- 

Sara wasn't sure she would be good at this 'appropriate thoughts' thing. 

"Draco-chan! Draco, Draco, wait up for me!" Sara-chan grabbed Draco's arm and snuggled up to him contentedly. 

"Draco-chan, I have to ask you... what do you think of Harry Potter?" 

Sara noticed how Harry tensed up in front of them as he heard the question. Sara was happy. 

Draco, however, pushed Sara away with something close to terror in his eyes. 

"Potter? Potter?! I hate him, I despise him, what do _think _I think of him?!" 

"I thought you might be in love with him," Sara-chan said quietly. Draco looked furious. 

"Look, Sara or whatever your name is, I'm not gay. And I hate Potter as it is. You're insane for even considering the possibility." 

Sara looked pleadingly up at Draco, though she didn't know what she was pleading about. She did not see Harry's head drop as if in guilt at Draco's comment, or notice how he suddenly moved so quickly ahead of them. 

It was not long before she managed to drape herself all over Draco again. As they arrived, Snape looked at them in disgust. 

"Twenty points from Slytherin for PDAs." 

Draco gasped and pushed Sara away. 

"But, Professor, that's your own house! That's just cruel!" 

Snape looked at him flatly. 

"I know. But you two are just repulsive." 

Draco looked as if he was about to burst into tears. 

*** 

Sara sat in class, bored to death already. She didn't like thinking appropriate thoughts. What was the fun in that, anyway? 

Snape was only entertaining when naked, and on top of Lupin. Or Sirius. Or even Draco or Harry, though that still kind of disturbed her... it was like that fanfic she read once--- 

Oh, yeah. Appropriate thoughts. 

Sara-chan pulled out the stuffed Pikachu she had not yet put down and started making him do a little dance on her desk. 

"Sara! Would you _please_ concentrate on your work! You did not come to this school to play with vulgar looking stuffed animals!" 

"Gom- I mean, I'm sorry, Professor Snape. I won't do it again," Sara-chan smiled cheerfully up at her teacher. He glared back at her and continued on with the lesson. 

Sara went back to snuggling with Draco, whom she was sitting right next to. He attempted to shrug her off. Sara-chan frowned and whispered, "Meanie." 

Draco smirked proudly. Sara realized that might not be the best insult for a bad guy like Draco. 

That was when she realized that right behind her was Ron Weasley. Sara-chan turned around in her seat and whispered to him, "Ron! What's up with you and Hermione?" She loved this, being able to ask these people she had read so much about all these questions, and get all the Hogwarts gossip first-hand... woo-hoo... 

Ron began to blush, obviously hiding his face from Hermione, who was in the class and sitting only a few seats away. 

"Do you have to be so... so..." 

"Tactless?" Sara offered. 

"Uh-huh." 

"Ah, sometimes. Depends," she replied, as useless as ever. 

"There's nothing. Nothing at all." 

"Then why are you acting like this? And why did Hermione skip Herbology? Wait, don't tell me you two were off-" 

"What are you talking about?" Ron interrupted, slightly panicked, "Hermione skipped Herbology? ... Come to think of it, I don't remember seeing her there..." 

"You didn't even notice?" Sara said incredulously, "Ha. Some boyfriend you'd make, idiot." 

"Hey!" Ron seemed offended by that comment. "And what are you saying, she skipped? You're crazy, you know that? Hermione never skips. Hermione never does anything wrong. Hermione's perfect in every way..." 

"Uh-huh," Sara said, an evil glint in her eyes, "And you're absolutely, positively sure there's nothing going on between you two?" 

"I'm sure!" Ron replied.  
Sara smiked and decided she had talked with Ron enough now. Plus, Snape was looking at the two of them very intently and it was making her nervous. 

She continued to snuggle up to Draco, causing both Ron and Snape to look at her disgustedly. 

From far across the room, Harry Potter stared at Sara-chan with jealousy glinting in his eyes. 

_She's just trying to steal my Draco from me,_ he thought bitterly, _I know she is. She just is! And she's mean and she's evil and she deserves to die. Die a slow, painful death. Like Voldemort. Exactly. Like Voldemort. The sun may forgive her but I, Harry Potter, will not!_

_I'm going to get my Draco back, dammit!_

__*** 

A FEW WEEKS LATER 

Hermione Granger lay in bed at night, thoughts focused not on school work, not on Hogwarts, A History, not even on Ron Weasley. No, they were focused on something so terrible, so unspeakable she could hardly bear to admit it to herself. 

Those eyes... 

That voice... 

That sexy, sexy body... 

Her thoughts were focused, for the moment anyway, on Hotohori, from Fushigi Yuugi. 

*** 

Sara-chan missed anime. She missed anime a lot. She didn't understand how people in this society could survive without televisions, VCRs, or even DVD players. Or, for that matter, Playstations. She supposed one could get used to anything, but Sara-chan didn't particularly like change, and she sat in her bed staring longingly at the posters on the walls around her. She picked up her favorite Angel Sanctuary artbook and turned the pages slowly, finding all of her favorite pictures in little time at all. As she did this, a great longing and homesickness came over her. 

No winged bishounen. No sexy naked men on top of other sexy naked men. No Angel Sanctuary, no Gravitation, no FAKE, no Earthian, no Ai no Kusabi, no Saiyuki. And there were no CD players, so no Gackt, no Dir en Grey, not even a few anime theme songs for poor Sara-chan. A single tear rolled down her cheek. 

"I WANT MY HOT MEN!" She suddenly yelled aloud, waking a few Slytherin girls who glared irritably at her. 

That was when Sara-chan decided it was high time to actually start searching for the way to make that love potion. She realized that, despite the large amount of manga and doujinshi she had brought with her, she was in grave danger of going into a yaoi deficiency. 

She quietly slipped out of her bed, with little plan other than maybe to go visit Takeshi-sensei if she could find him. She exited her room without waking up anyone else. 

Sara-chan walked for a ways in the hallways before she came across that really creepy cat. Sara looked at it straight in its eyes. 

"Nyo," Sara-chan said menacingly. The cat cocked its head. 

"Nyu?" It replied. 

"Nyo, nyo... Gema!" 

"Nyu nyu nyu," The cat stated. 

Sara suddenly raised her arms in a threatening motion. "PYO!" She whispered loudly, causing the cat to let out a screech and run in the opposite direction. 

Ha. 

Sara continued on her way, quite proud of herself for scaring off that really creepy cat (Mrs. Norris, she thought she remembered it being called...). The hallways were dark, but they really didn't scare her, because she still had her stuffed Pikachu with her and was convinced that if anything tried to attack her, Pikachu would come alive and electrocute them. 

That was when she came to that same unused hallway where she had first met Hermione, and coincidentally enough, Sara noticed a figure she recognized sitting in that hallway. Though it was too dark to see clearly, there was no question in her mind that the person sitting out in the hallway after midnight was Hermione. 

In her hands she held a medium-sized object that was giving off a strange light. From it came also strange noises... noises that seemed somehow familiar to Sara-chan... 

Sara-chan snuck up quietly to Hermione, until she was standing right next to her. Hermione was too engrossed in whatever she was looking at to notice. 

It was a screen she was looking at, and the object was clearly a brand-new portable DVD player. But the strangest thing yet was what was on the screen: one of Sara-chan's own favorite animes, Fushigi Yuugi. 

"Hermione..." Sara said quietly, hoping not to frighten her too much. 

Hermione looked up at her abruptly, tears streaming down her face. 

"Sara!" She managed to exclaim, before suddenly setting the DVD player down and collapsing into Sara-chan's arms, "Sara, they killed Nuriko! Ashitare... Ashitare, that _bastard,_ he killed Nuriko! And it was just after he had told Miaka how much he loved her... though I think he really did love Hotohori more despite all that... but it's so sad because they killed Nuriko! Nuriko~~~!" 

Although overwhelmed by the implications of this whole situation, Sara-chan had vivid memories of her first viewing of Nuriko's death, and understood perfectly what Hermione must be going through. 

"There, there, it's okay, his ghost comes back later on and it's just as pretty as his real body," Sara-chan reassured Hermione. Hermione looked up at her, wiping the tears from her eyes. 

"You actually know what I'm talking about?" 

"Of course! Fushigi Yuugi's one of my favorite shows! I have the complete manga set and both artbooks up in my room, if you want to borrow them sometime." 

"I can't believe it... I found someone who knows what anime is..." Hermione seemed actually grateful, and it surprised Sara-chan. "You see, over the summer I lost my soul to anime. I had never known that something so crude and unintelligent could be so.. so... addictive." 

Sara-chan sat back a moment, trying to absorb all of this. The most studious, _boring_ girl in the world, an anime fanatic? An anime fanatic who would cry buckets at Nuriko's death, no less? That was when something occurred to her. 

"Wait a second... do you mean to tell me you skipped Herbology just to watch anime?" 

Hermione nodded sadly. "I couldn't help it. Before coming here this year, I put a spell on my portable DVD player to make it work even in Hogwarts. I haven't yet finished the whole series of Fushigi Yuugi, as you may have noticed, plus there's a ton of anime up in my room I haven't yet had the chance to watch. And I thought, oh, I know all this stuff already. It's easy. But then I started skipping every day, and then I almost didn't pass that last test... anime has taken over my life!" 

"Aww," Sara seemed genuinely sympathetic, "I understand. You poor thing..." 

"Anyway," Hermione suddenly drew back and resumed her normal unfriendly attitude, "What are you doing here? It's past curfew." 

"Well..." Sara-chan decided that, given the information she had just been given, it would be okay to trust Hermione with her plan. "Do you know what yaoi is? Or shounen-ai?" 

Hermione blushed so deeply it was obvious even in the darkness. "A little. I like Ai no Kusabi a lot, and Fish in the Trap, and Song of the Wind and Trees, and Zetsuai/Bronze, and Kizuna..." 

Sara-chan almost burst out laughing, but managed not to. "That's more than a little, Hermione." 

Hermione blushed even more. 

"Well, then, do you know what slash is?" 

The expression on Hermione's face was enough to tell Sara that yes, she knew what it was, and yes, she liked it. 

"So, have _you_ ever thought that Draco and Harry would make a cute couple?" 

Hermione suddenly drew back a lot. 

"Draco and Harry? Oh my god, no! Draco would have to be seme, and then... oh, poor Harry... don't you have any mercy, Sara?!" 

"Come on, you gotta admit it's sexy." 

Hermione said nothing for quite awhile. Finally, she replied: "Actually, you're right. They do." 

"Yay!" Sara said happily, "So, my plan was to make a love potion that would make the two of them fall instantly in love. And Takeshi-sensei requested that I reserve some to make Snape fall instantly in love with him. So, I was wondering, would you help me?" 

"Wheee! I always thought that Professor Snape and Professor Takeshi would make a great couple..." Hermione seemed to be getting happier by the second. "Of course I'll help you!" 

"I was thinking we could go to the Restricted section of the library, but I didn't know how to get there." 

"It's forbidden. And to get in we'd need to steal Harry's Invisibility Cloak, because people are always actually around there, unlike here." 

"And making love potions is rather illegal, too, if you didn't know." 

Hermione looked at Sara-chan in horror. "You want me to do something illegal?" She asked flatly. 

"Well..." Sara-chan thought desperately of something that could make Hermione agree to do this, and not report Sara-chan. "Well, it's like FAKE!" Sara-chan came up with this suddenly. "Like when Dee steals that person's motorcycle, so he can crash through the window and save Ryo's life at the last moment. If he had gone in his car, Ryo would have died, and then Dee would _never_ get laid." 

Hermione pondered this a few seconds. "Plus, Dee looked really sexy crashing through that window like that." 

"Yeah," Sara-chan agreed happily. 

"Okay!" Hermione seemed optimistic about this again, "I can get us into Harry's room. We'll just steal the cloak, sneak into the library, sneak into the restricted section, find the 'love potions' section, and take all the books they have there." 

It seemed much, much too easy for Sara-chan, especially after all this time she had spent trying to find some way to get these books, and for the fact that this was a highly forbidden form of magic. It also seemed that Hermione was warming up to this whole 'illegal' idea pretty quickly. 

However, they did everything Hermione suggested, and it all worked fine, and after stealing all the books it took little time at all to find what was actually listed as "Yaoi Love Potion". 

They copied down the recipe and instructions, hid the books all under Hermione's bed along with the stacks of anime movies, and both returned to their bedrooms. 


	2. Part 2: The Potion

part 2: the potion 

The Yaoi Love Potion required a large list of very hard to obtain ingredients. However, if there was one thing Hermione was good for, it was obtaining things that were very hard to obtain. Plus, having the total and complete support of the DADA teacher was useful. This all made Sara-chan very happy. 

At the moment, Hermione was back to her usual self, reading over huge volumes about yaoi love potions, although they already had all the information they needed. 

"Well, Professor Takeshi promised us extra credit if the potion turned out right," Hermione had justified her actions. 

"Yes. And it would be damn sexy, too." 

"Yes. That too," Hermione agreed. Sara-chan smiled; she liked Hermione as a yaoi fanatic. 

Sara-chan, however, was not about to do any extra work, especially if Hermione was willing to do it for her. She danced her stuffed Pikachu around the stone floor of Hermione's dorm room. 

"Itooshii hito no tame ni, ima nani ga dekiru ka na? Kanawanai yume wa nai yo! Massugu ni shinjiteru..." She sang loudly, despite the fact that she knew her voice was very much off-key. 

"Would you _please_ shut up?" Hermione asked, none too politely. Sara-chan pouted. She handed Hermione a Rabien Rose plushie she pulled out from underneath her cloak. 

"Zangoku na tenshi no you ni, shounen yo shinwa ni nare!" Sara-chan sang even louder. Hermione smiled suddenly and joined in. 

That was when Harry Potter showed up, breathless and looking sufficiently angry. Hermione and Sara-chan exchanged looks; breathless, eh? 

"Sara-chan!" He said as threateningly as he could manage, "In the name of the Moon I will punish you!" 

Sara-chan blinked twice, then quickly regained her composure. "Aa! Harii Pottaa, anta wa kawaii~~~~~~~!" 

He glared at her. "My Invisibility Cloak is gone. And YOU stole it, didn't you?" 

Sara-chan looked over at Hermione again. Hermione looked more than a little guilty. 

"Oh yeah," Sara-chan said slowly, "We forgot to return it, didn't we?" 

"We?" Harry looked over at Hermione, disbelief on his face. "Hermione, you've been in league with _this_ criminal? I don't believe you! You traitor!" 

"Um... Harry, darling... it's okay... ya see, we just borrowed it for a little while, that's all, you can have it back now if you want..." Hermione looked as if she had never been caught like this before. Harry seemed just astonished. 

"Hermione, I thought you were on _my_ side! And what's this... Yaoi Love Potion? What's yaoi? Oh, I'm sure it doesn't matter... don't tell me you two stole my Invisibility Cloak so that you can try and steal Draco from... from..." Harry seemed suddenly embarrassed, "From whoever he's interested in now," he finished weakly. 

Hermione giggled. 

Harry threw in one final glare, picked up his Invisibility Cloak which was lying on the ground conspicuously, and left. 

"Sooo gay," Hermione commented. Sara-chan nodded. "Are you sure we even need this potion?" 

They looked at each other and burst out laughing. 

"Of course!" They said in unison. 

*** 

When they got to the last ingredient, Sara-chan did a double take. No. This could not be happening... 

"Okay, read me the last ingredient," Hermione said with her usual bossy tone. 

"Umm... well... it involves a white substance... that I think we need some man to help us get..." Sara-chan turned bright red as she said this. 

Hermione's voice was flat. "No. You're not serious, are you?" 

"Yup," Sara said, "Quite serious. And there's only one man we can ask." 

Hermione flinched slightly and they went to visit Takeshi-sensei. 

*** 

"You want me to get you _what?_" Takeshi-sensei exclaimed. They started to repeat the request, but he stopped them. 

"Just this once. Just for Snape-sama... Just for him..." The professor did not look particularly happy. In fact, he looked like he might go insane. 

"Arigatou de gozaru yo!" Sara-chan said, bowing several times in gratitude. 

"Thank you," Hermione said, slightly more normally. 

They had the last ingredient the next day, and the potion was ready. 

Coincidentally, that same day there was a Slytherin party planned. Slytherin parties usually scared Sara; they seemed more like Love Volde-poo Days than anything normal. And all the older Slytherins brought alcohol, which scared poor Sara-chan. But at least she got to snuggle with Draco-poo, often quite a bit, especially when he got drunk. ^_^ 

However, her and Hermione decided this might be the perfect chance to use their Yaoi Love Potion. 

They put their plan into action late in the day, only a few hours before the party started. 

"Hermione!" Sara-chan said suddenly in the middle of a conversation with Harry, as if she had just thought of it, "I was thinking, there's a Slytherin party tonight, wanna come?" 

"Me? Come to a _Slytherin_ party? Are you crazy?" Hermione's voice was perfectly skeptical and imperious, almost causing Sara-chan to smirk. They were great at this... 

"Well, you're really my only friend here," Sara-chan said, voice soft and pleading. That was believable enough; only another equally obsessed person could even begin to understand Sara-chan, and no one else had really bothered. 

"You seem awfully close to Malfoy," Harry added, jealousy all too obvious in his voice. It was difficult for both Sara-chan and Hermione to keep from laughing. 

"But that's only 'cause he's cute. He's still really boring, and mean." 

"I don't know... I'm not sure I trust you Slytherins... could Harry come too?" Hermione asked. 

"Anou... sure!" 

"Wait a minute!" Harry exclaimed, "I never volunteered to come!" 

"But you're my friend, Harry, you won't let me go into that snake den alone, right? I hear they have alcohol at Slytherin parties, and sometimes drugs, too..." She said this as if it was the greatest crime ever. Sometimes Sara-chan was happy that she was a Slytherin and not one of those boring, _boring_ Gryffindors. 

"Well," Harry said predictably, "Since you're one of my best friends, I'll never leave your side! I owe everything to you!" 

"Of course you do," Hermione smirked. 

*** 

The book claimed that they should put a few drops of potion into the drinks of the man they want to be affected, and that the next man they touched they would fall instantly and totally in love with for a period of three weeks. This was fine, because it was exactly three weeks until Christmas Break began, and then Sara would be going home for awhile anyway. Also, it would be just in time for the Yule Ball. Unfortunately, anything that would make people fall in love forever required a much higher level of magic than either Sara-chan or Hermione was able to perform. 

"Damn illegal potions," Hermione muttered. 

However, it was not at all hard to sneak stuff into Draco's beer, and it was only a little harder to sneak stuff into Harry's water. This difficulty came from the way Harry constantly eyed Sara-chan with the utmost suspicion. 

"Damn boring Gryffindors," Sara-chan muttered. 

It did not go unnoticed by either Hermione or Sara-chan how Harry and Draco were lounging unnaturally close to each other on the sexy black leather couch of the Slytherin common room. They giggled happily. 

Then they fed them the drinks. 

As soon as they both took a sip, almost at exactly the same time, a kind of shock spread over their faces. Hermione and Sara-chan watched intently, and breathed a sigh of relief as Harry's hand brushed against Draco's leg. 

"Whee," Sara-chan whispered over to Hermione.   
They watched as well as that same hand began to stroke that same leg in a very suggestive manner. 

"Dude. I didn't think it would make them horny, too," Hermione commented. 

"Whee!" Sara-chan repeated. 

And that was when it all started. 

It was almost sickening, even to the two avid yaoi fanatics. A suggestive Look, another suggestive Look, a slight movement just a little closer... 

Sara-chan thought that maybe they should get a room, but then she realized that if they got a room, she would want to get a video camera, and that might be difficult. So she continued to watch happily from a distance, though shielding Pikachu's eyes. 

"Harry, I have something to tell you," Draco whispered, quietly but still loudly enough for Sara and Hermione to hear. The rest of the Slytherins were partying, so they didn't notice. 

"What?" Harry's replied breathlessly, gazing up into Draco's eyes in such a way that Sara-chan was sure he would have bubbly eyes if he was in an anime. 

"I... I'm in love with you. I always have been. Whatever I have said to you in the past, I apologize... It was all the depths of my passion for you, only you... and I want to be with you always and forever." 

"Oh, Draco!" Harry replied, "I love you, too! Of course I forgive you for everything you have ever said or done to me... you are the light of my life, my world revolves around you completely... I am madly and desperately in love with you, Draco!" 

And they started to make out on the black leather couch in the middle of the Slytherin common room. 

And the other Slytherins suddenly _did_ notice, and were rather taken aback. 

"Dude," Hermione commented, quite unsure of anything else to say. 

"Whee!" Sara-chan repeated for the third time that evening, enjoying the moment quite a bit. 

*** 

"Ron, there's something I have to tell you," Harry said as he returned to the Gryffindor rooms early the next morning. Ron sat up worriedly. 

"Harry! Where were you? I was so worried... and then I couldn't find Hermione either... are you okay?" 

"I've never been better in my life. Ron, what I need to tell you is... I'm gay. And I'm going out with Draco darling." 

Ron just looked at him, utterly speechless for a few seconds, then: "Draco... darling?!" 

"Do you have a problem with it?!" Harry asked, again putting on his threatening voice, "Draco Malfoy is a kind, caring, and loving man. He even promised me last night that he would never be a Death Eater, just for me!" 

"I don't want to know. I do _not_ want to know," Ron looked slightly frightened, "Look, Draco? The gay part I can deal with, but _Draco_?! That's just wrong! It's sick, Harry, sick!" 

"What's sick about it?" Harry asked indignantly, "I love him, and he loves me." 

Ron looked dubiously at his best friend. That was when something occurred to him. 

When Harry got upset about something this year, he had kept blaming it, no matter what it was, on either Voldemort or Sara-chan. He doubted very much that Voldemort would do anything to make Harry and Draco go out, it just wasn't his style, but Sara-chan... she _was_ the one who was ogling the DADA teacher, after all... and rumor had it that she had explicit gay sex comic books under her bed... 

Ron stormed out of the room and went off to find Sara-chan. 

*** 

He found her sitting in her room with Hermione, both of them staring intently at some medium-sized object with a moving picture inside of it and strange voices speaking in a language he didn't recognize coming from it. 

"Where were you two last night?" Ron asked bluntly. Hermione looked up, blushed deeply, and hid the object away. 

"Not a good idea to let Ron watch Kizuna," she whispered to Sara-chan. Sara-chan nodded knowingly. 

"Well, we were at a Slytherin party," Hermione answered, deciding truth was the best way to go. 

"Did you turn Harry gay?" He asked, equally bluntly. The two girls looked at each other. 

"How could we do that?" Hermione asked carefully. 

"This is a magic school, ya know. You can do an awful lot of harm... well, maybe not _you_, Hermione, you can only do the right and good thing, I know that, but Sara... what did you do to Harry?" 

"I did nothing at all," she lied. Ron glared viciously at her. She suddenly jumped up, pushed her stuffed Pikachu into Ron's face, said "Pika!" and ran out of the room. 

"You two have fun together!" She shouted from outside the room. 

She left Ron and Hermione staring at each other awkwardly. 

*** 

Unbeknownst to Hermione, Sara-chan had escaped with the remainder of the potion in her pocket. She was running to visit Takeshi-sensei. 

She literally bumped into him as he was coming out of the classroom. For a second, she felt mesmerized by the sparkles surrounding him... by his deep emerald eyes... 

"Yes?" He asked. 

"I... I finished our extra credit project," she smirked triumphantly. "And thanks muchly for your contribution." 

Takeshi-sensei turned bright red. "That's very nice, Sara-chan, you are quite welcome... um, perhaps we should go somewhere else to discuss this?" 

Sara-chan nodded. He led her to his office, a small, dark little room, with a huge stack of magazines Sara would really have liked to looked at in one corner. 

"Okay. Do you know if it works?" He asked her, closing the door behind them and switching on a few lights. 

"Very well. We used it on Harry and Draco last night, and they're already going out. And they started to make out on the couch in the Slytherin common room. And it was sexy." 

"I see. Tell me the conditions, please. And thank you so much for doing this," he smiled, and the smile seemed to increase the sparkleness in great amounts. Sara could not help but smile back. She told him all of the directions with great caution, making sure not to mess up on anything, and then added: 

"Oh, by the way, I don't really care about my extra credit points, I just wanted to make the potion for personal reasons, so could you give double extra credit to Hermione? She did a lot more than me, anyway." 

He looked at her with pride in his eyes. "You are a very kind girl, Sara-chan. Of course I will." 

"Thank you!" 

Sara-chan had never been happier in her life. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were going out. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy had made out where she could watch. Takeshi-sensei was about to start fulfilling those inappropriate thoughts with Snape-sensei. Takeshi-sensei had called her 'kind'. It seemed that everything was going right! 

She returned back to her room unthinking, to find Hermione and Ron on her bed together. 

Watching anime. 

She stood for a moment in shock, when Ron smiled up at her. 

"I had no idea this was the kind of thing you were so crazy about! It's great! That Rei Ayanami chick from Neon Genesis Evangelion, she's hot! And I love how those huge robots defend Tokyo, that just rocks!" 

Hermione looked at Sara sympathetically. 

"Well, I couldn't exactly show him Kizuna," she offered as an explanation, "It's better than collecting Wizard cards from Chocolate Frogs." 

Sara nodded numbly. 

*** 

Three things of great importance happened that next day. The first was that the whole school found out about Harry and Draco. They seemed more shocked than anything else; Ginny alone seemed unhappy, but everyone figured she'd get over it pretty quickly. 

Now, Harry and Draco weren't exactly being subtle about this. They walked through school all day holding hands, giggling, and occasionally exchanging little kisses. Late in the evening Harry asked to borrow one of Hermione's dresses, and went around wearing that. 

In truth, it was all actually pretty damn frightening. 

However, Sara-chan and Hermione did not see it in that way. Instead, they were in heaven, watching the yaoi live in front of them, wishing fervently that the three weeks could last forever. 

The second important thing was that Takeshi-sensei used the potion on Snape at some moment, and at dinner that night, an announcement was made. 

The Professors Snape and Takeshi were to be married. 

It came as a shock to even Sara-chan and Hermione, as they had not really realized that their potion could have _that_ big an effect on the people. They were even a little worried, wondering what would happen to the marriage idea after the potion wore off. But oh, well! Everyone was happy for now. 

The third important thing was that, because of Ron's big mouth, by the end of the day, practically every student at Hogwarts liked anime. 

*** 

TWO WEEKS LATER 

"Darling," Draco addressed Harry, "I have something to ask you." 

"Yes?" Harry looked up adoringly at his boyfriend. 

"Will you go to the Yule Ball with me, my love, my one and only?" 

"Oh, Draco honey! Of course I will!" 

*** 

"Hey, Severus," Takeshi suddenly thought to ask as they were laying in the bed they shared late one night, "We should go to that Yule Ball thing together, shouldn't we?" 

"Eh," Snape seemed displeased, "I hate balls. I hate anything with all those annoying kids." 

"Please?" Takeshi looked up adoringly at his boyfriend. 

"Oh, okay, just for you." 

"Yay!" 

*** 

"Hermione," Ron said slowly, face reddening to match his hair, "Hermione, there's something I want to ask you." 

"Yes?" Hermione looked up from the Gravitation manga she was reading. It impressed even Ron, who always had total and complete faith in Hermione's intelligence, that she had managed to learn Japanese fluently in two weeks. 

"I was wondering... I was wondering... I was wondering if you would go to the Yule Ball with me," he said boldly. Hermione paused a moment. 

"Ron..." Hermione looked up adoringly at her boyfriend-to-be. Delight spread slowly over her face. 

"Yes, yes I will, Ron," she answered happily. 

*** 

Sara didn't really mind not having a date for the Yule Ball. If she thought about it, the only guys she really wanted were gay anyway. Now, if she could have two man-slaves who would do inappropriate things for her with each other, that was a different story. But a real boyfriend? 

That was no fun. 

She went, though, and watched as Draco and Harry showed up with their arms around each other, Harry in another one of Hermione's dresses. She watched as Snape and Takeshi-sensei showed up together, a death glare to rival Heero Yuy's on Snape's face. She watched as Hermione and Ron came together, too, Hermione looking more lovely than ever before, and Ron dressed in fancy dress robes she guessed he had great trouble affording. 

Tears came to Sara's eyes as she watched each couple dance together, slowly embracing one another with infinite love and tenderness. She noticed that they were dancing to 'First Love' by Utada Hikaru, for it seemed that anime fandom had now completely overtaken Hogwarts. 


	3. Part 3: Epilogue

part 3: epilogue 

Three weeks had past. The love potion was supposed to have already worn off. 

"I don't know what I was thinking, going out with _you_!" Sara-chan overheard Draco yelling at Harry. Sara flinched. 

"You're right, it was crazy," Harry replied bitterly. 

The argument continued for a little while, and Sara was beginning to think maybe her potion did do more harm than good, when Harry suddenly threw himself into Draco's arms. 

"Draco, the truth is, it wasn't really crazy... it wasn't bad or stupid at all... I don't know what got into us that night, to make us start going out, but I don't truly regret it, do you?" 

Draco looked shocked, but not half as shocked as Sara felt. Could it be...? 

"No," Draco replied softly, carefully, "You're right, I don't know what got into us. I wasn't being myself. But, honestly, I did love you long before that night... you mean more to me than you can imagine, Potter, and I know it may seem strange or even sick, but I do really love you." The words came out awkwardly from his mouth, as if he had never said such a thing before. 

That was when Harry started to cry. 

"And Draco, Draco, I have needed you, I have loved you, and I thought you would never even realize it..." 

And they kissed, a true, real kiss, unaffected by any potion. 

"Wheeeeeee!" Sara exclaimed to herself and her Pikachu, and ran off to check on Takeshi-sensei. 

"The wedding is still on," he said as she burst into his office, relief obvious in his voice. "I thought the end of the potion would mark the end of his love, but it didn't, Sara-chan, it didn't!" He looked at her with gratitude shining in his already sparkly eyes. "In those three weeks, we really did fall in love!" 

"Wheeeee!" 

And she ran off before he could say any more. She went to Hermione's room. 

Hermione sat on her bed with Ron, eyes glued to the portable DVD player, some Slayers episode playing. 

"Hermione, I've decided to go back to America," Sara-chan announced. Hermione looked up at her, obviously surprised. 

"But the school year is only halfway through!" She exclaimed. 

"You can't go, Sara-chan," Ron interjected, "You brought anime to this school! You have changed our lives forever!" 

Sara-chan smiled happily. Ha. Finally, _someone_ appreciated the value of an anime otaku. 

"But, I've done all I really wanted to do, and more," she replied, then added, "Well, besides Draco Malfoy, but I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon." 

Ron looked disgusted, and went back to watching Slayers. 

"I promise I'll send you all lots of anime, okay? And Hermione, you can keep that Rabien Rose plushie." 

"Yay!" Hermione put her fingers up in a little victory sign. "Yatta!" 

Sara-chan then went to see Dumbledore with her request. 

She realized that, in all her time there, she had not yet seen Dumbledore. When she did see him, she thought he was scary looking. 

He agreed to let her go back to America, and also volunteered to do one thing in her memory, as Hogwart's first ever American exchange student: Put in a big screen TV at Hogwarts just for anime viewing. 

She was just about to leave when she remembered that she hadn't ever seen Oliver Wood or Percy. She ran off to ask Hermione about them. 

"Idiot, they graduated two years ago," Hermione said with her old know-it-all voice. 

Oh, yeah. 

Sara-chan packed up all her bags and was almost out of the door when she was confronted by Draco Malfoy. 

"Draco-poo! You do love me after all! You came to say good bye!" Sara-chan exclaimed. 

"No. I know what you did," he stared at her, unmoving, "I know how you and Hermione drugged me and Harry." 

Sara-chan cringed. Not good. Not good at all... 

"Thank you, Sara-chan! Thank you so much! We would never have realized our love for each other if it wasn't for you!" And for the first time ever, Draco hugged Sara-chan. 

And everyone was happy. ^_^ 


End file.
